Break a Broken Heart
by populette
Summary: It's been five years and they're both two very different people. But a chance meeting leads them down a road neither of them intended to go down. Sequel to Can't Take This Back.
1. Touch Me, I'm Going to Scream

Chapter 1: _Touch Me, I'm Going to Scream_

-x-

"Beautiful Darling, That's it!" She didn't need to be told what she was doing was pure perfection. She knows how talented she is and has been around long enough to know what works. Regardless, praise is always welcomed.

The setting for her current photo shoot—A bed in a homey room. The set is almost too nostalgic for her to bear but she needs to be professional. She didn't let her smile falter once, her gaze remained focused on the camera and her body positioned as provocatively as it needed to be. Not too much where the boundary between sexy and slutty is being pushed, but enough to be in a Victoria's Secret commercial. Which is exactly what this was for, well the catalog anyway.

"Tip the Santa Hat just a little lower Princess" The photographer addresses her in an endearing manner, "That's it" He croons, when she complies.

He grins at her, "You're gonna sell millions Meems" He says appreciatively but she knows that too. She's always had the body to sell and she's always been able to do it.

"Okay well I think we're done" He goes over the film before nodding.

Mimi jumps off the uncomfortable bed and onto the tiled floor, its cold against her bare feet. With out a single word to anyone on that set she slips on her monogrammed satin robe and walks back to her dressing room. "How'd it go?" Her redheaded best friend is waiting for her.

Mimi shrugs a shoulder, "Like it always goes" She answers, It's been four years of the same routine and some where along the line she began to realize that it wasn't enough for her. It had never been. Especially because originally she'd wanted to be a fashion designer rather then a model. But they'd decided she'd make a much a better model, after all she had the face for commercials and billboards, the height for the runway and the body for photo-shoots.

The redhead ignores her friend's hostility; she knows that Mimi's been unhappy with her career for a while now. "You look great" She offers.

Mimi gives her a small smile, "That's what they tell me" Her tone is on the brink of bitterness.

Sora knows her friend well enough to know when she should be left alone. Mimi's personality has changed drastically from the time they had lived in Odaiba those many years ago. "Here" She says before leaving, dropping a magazine in the now blonde Mimi's lap.

Mimi stares at the front cover; it's a picture of the face that has plagued her dreams and thoughts. Yet every time she comes across a newspaper article, magazine cover, or advertisement she makes sure to get it. At first it was kind of a fluke, he had been a small story in the magazine she'd purchased three years ago. The article had been titled: _Stars on the rise—Timberwolves_. The new rock band who's single "Ice Cold Heart" had topped all the charts in America. His face beamed in black and white as they interviewed him on his recent success.

She'd cut out that article and put it in a shoe box. Then another, then another. Pretty soon it had become a hobby, an obsession and the shoebox was replaced with a bigger box, one that could encompass her fixation.

This latest magazine had him on the front cover; but he almost always is. He's a bigger star then any of them ever imagined he'd become, though he always did have talent. And he's never once forgotten where he came from or the people who'd helped get him here. Unlike her, who'd erased that part of her life completely. She'd become a bitter shell of the person she used to be, happiness an almost foreign feeling to her. Though she always tried to do a good job of faking it, after all she'd always been able to put on a good show.

She gave her reflection on last glance before pulling on her oversized Gucci sunglasses. Maybe today she won't be mobbed by the paparazzi, though it was highly unlikely. She grabbed her bag from off the make up table and left the studio with out another word to anyone else. She didn't need to talk to anyone, say anything or be polite—they all worked for her.

Mimi braced herself for a mob of photographers and reporters when she got outside, they loved her as much as they loved every other screwed up model. So she ducked her head and ran to the car that had been waiting for her as she always did. The modeling agencies would change, the countries would too and so would her clothes but the routine _always _stayed the same.

More then anything she wished that she could go back to the life she lived before all of this. And it sounds so ungrateful because girls literally die trying to achieve what she has but she never wanted any of it. The fame—well what good is it when there's no one there to share it with, the fortune—she's never been deprived so it was never anything out of the ordinary and the power—well she never gets to use it. In fact it was always as though she was the one being exploited, being used and then thrown away. Like a disposable camera.

-x-

"You were _amazing_" She's practically drooling she's so impressed. But she isn't the first and she won't be last though she is the last for tonight. And as usual one he's had his way he's going to ask her to leave because he has no use for her any longer.

"What else is new" He responds gruffly, holding the door open for her.

She giggles as if it's a joke they've just shared, not a rude and condescending comment, "You'll call me?" She asks.

He knows he won't, in fact he doesn't even have her number but he nods anyway, "Sure" It's the answer that'll get her out the fastest.

She stares at him for a second longer, "Make sure you do" Her green eyes twinkle wickedly and her tone seems a little too sweet. Her gaze lingers on him before she steps outside, the second she's got both feet out the door he slams it shut.

He pulls a hand through his blonde hair as he drags himself back to his bedroom. It's exactly as he left it, disheveled, dirty and lonely. It's the most unwelcoming room in the house and he has to sleep in it. He's about to turn out the lights when something catches his eye. It was a tabloid sitting on the edge of his bed. His latest conquest—girlfriend, seemed to be obsessed with them so completely interested in the lives of other people. What made him chuck it across the room however, was the lead story.

_Alcohol and Anorexia: Mimi Tachikawa_. The picture was of a rail thin looking Mimi collapsed in the front seat of an unmentioned guy's car. She was clearly inebriated and looked almost emaciated. He knew that the picture had probably been photo-shopped and she probably wasn't as drunk as they made her out to be either but she'd been getting herself into a lot of trouble lately and he couldn't help but worry about her.

Not that he had any right in doing so. He hadn't seen her since she left him five years ago. Unless you count her face on the T.V screen or their brief, unavoidable meeting at the Grammy's three years ago, when they'd had to present an award together. He'd just had three hit singles and she was the fashion world's queen so when they announced the two were presenting an award together the rest of the world must've shitted themselves. But it hadn't been the reunion he had hoped for, she went up and read from the teleprompter, he did the same, and then they gave away the Grammy and went their separate ways. Talk about epic.

She'd clearly moved on with her life after she left that day and it was then that he realized that he should do the same. Becoming completely devoted to his music career and well to himself. He stopped caring about everything else the second she'd walked off the stage. Solidifying the fact that she never wanted to see him again. His life began to revolve around music, drugs and girls and his friends said he lived the true rock star life. But he couldn't if it was even considered a life, since he didn't see any meaning in it.

She'd been his life and he'd been so stupid then that he didn't see it. Not until it was too late anyway. He'd always believed that his career would slip away but she'd always be there, yet it turned out to be the exact opposite. She left and his career became the constant. Pretty soon even his crappiest songs were number one for weeks.

His life seems like one big redundant acid trip at this point. He didn't have a single thing that mattered to him and his constant apathy paired with his unfeeling sarcasm seemed to chase away anyone who'd wanted to get close to him. His old friends stopped calling, his own brother didn't see him anymore and he didn't even record in the same studio as the rest of the band.

The sound of his phone ringing pulled him out of his reverie, "Talk" He says lazily, leaning back against the headboard of his bed.

"Matt its Suzanna" His agent. The one who handled all of his public matters, like where to play, what concerts to schedule and lately damage control; his life has been really publicized lately.

Matt nods, "Okay, what?" He asks, he knows he should be more grateful to her but he doesn't care. She gets paid to do what she does.

"Well, we've lined up an ad for you" She starts off and he already doesn't like the sound of this, "It's for Ralph Lauren Cologne" She specifies.

If he'd been eating something right now he probably would've choked, "You're kidding right?! Do I look like David fucking Beckham to you?!" He yells incredulously.

She's taken aback, "Well this could be exactly what you need Matt" She says in that motherly tone of hers, "It'll show your still serious about your career" She explains.

He doesn't hold back his disgust, "I'm a musician, how the hell does _modeling_ help my career?" She's not making any sense.

She takes a deep, patient breath, "Well the streak you've been on lately, people seem to think that either your on drugs or with a girl, the fact that you're a _musician_ doesn't even register to them anymore" So that's how it is now? He's not even David Beckham, he's Tara Fucking Reid.

It kills him to comply, "Fine" He manages to get out.

She seems genuinely relieved, "Good boy" She says as if she's referring to an obedient Lab, "It's in two days...pack your bags for New York" She says quickly and hangs up before he can get in a word of protest.

He hangs up the phone with a loud groan.

-x-

"You know Sora, what everyone says is right" Her speech is slurring, her eyes are barely open, "I am a slut! I mean have you seen the catalogs lately, rename me Jenna Jameson why don't you!?" She hiccups, they've been asked to take her out of yet another bar.

Sora shakes her head in disappointment, "Support her a little more on your side Tai" She says, lifting Mimi a little higher.

The brunette shakes his head as well, "Fuck this Sor, I got her" He tells her to let go and when she does he picks places her arm behind her knees lifting her into a fireman's carry.

Sora sighs gratefully, "This is getting to be too much" She says, "I mean look at her…" She trails off helplessly.

Mimi on the other hand is far too drunk to notice that they're referring to her, "You got a nice chest Tai, its comfortable" She giggles, nuzzling her face into his chest.

Sora rolls her eyes, "I'm gonna go back inside, you think you'll be able to take her home?" She asks hopefully.

Tai nods, "Yeah, I got this, go hang out with uh Paris or who ever" He offers her a smile.

She lets out a small laugh, "Come around more often, will you?" She winks.

He nods one more time but doesn't believe that he'll be in New York again any time soon. "I'll see you at the house" He's referring to Mimi and Sora's villa in the Upper East Side, where he's currently staying.

Mimi looks up at him with half-lidded eyes, "You're so cute" She murmurs, reaching up to stroke his face, "So _hot_" She corrects herself.

Tai breathes out patiently, hailing a cab for them to take. While he isn't as intoxicated as she is he knows that his BAC (blood alcohol content) is higher then the limit. "No like this, Taxi!" She yells drunkenly.

He's given up on discipling her, she's twenty seven years old and at this point it's her life what she wants to do is her business. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't pain him to see her like this. Especially when he remembers the girl she used to be and when he realizes the person she's become. Life really is a bitch.

A taxi finally stops in front of them, the driver quickly gets out to open the door for them noticing that Tai's hands are currently well, full. "Thanks" Tai mumbles, carefully putting Mimi in before sliding into the car himself.

She immediately shifts closer to him, "You're gorgeous" She complimenting him again and under any other circumstances he'd smirk but she just makes him uncomfortable. This is Mimi, the girl he's known since they were nine, making a pass at her just seems wrong. Especially in the state that she's in now.

It killed him to watch her make a mess out of her life but he always stayed out of it. Convincing himself that the tabloids made her life seem a lot worse then it really was. But then when he witnessed it himself, he realized how wrong he'd been these past five years. And gained a new found appreciation for Sora, dealing with this on an almost daily basis.

"Tai" She called out, reaching a hand up and facing him towards her, "Do you love me?" She asks, her hazel eyes wide with anticipation.

He's taken aback but answers her anyway, "Sure I do Meems" He says fondly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears.

She swats his hand away, "Don't do that" She says almost angrily, and it leads him to think that she might be slightly bipolar. Or maybe just severely drunk. Probably the latter.

He opens his mouth to say something but is immediately silenced. By her lips. On his. It takes him a minute to register what going on, she's kissing him. "Mimi!" He lightly pushes her off him, "We can't be doing this" He mutters, running a hand through his messy hair.

She looks up at him, "Fuck you then" She seethes, sliding towards the opposite side.

Tai runs a hand over his face in frustration. He can't wait to be out of New York, at least then she'll be out of sight out of mind, he won't have to worry about her. He'll just focus on soccer and possibly getting laid and life will be good. Stress-free and completely uninhibited.

But that never did ease his guilt. And at the end of the day he was always left with an overwhelming sense of disappointment and well pity. Poor girl, she had no idea what fame's done to her.

-x-

Fame had ruined what she once was. But he'd taken everything away from her long before that. They all assumed the change in personality, the bitterness, the unhappiness came from the fact that she couldn't live a normal life. But it was from the ache in that foreign region where her heart used to be. It was from the emptiness she felt every time she was alone. It was from those old as time wounds that never did heal. From the feeling of looking for something she could never find. And the inevitable pain that would ensue when she realized there was never anything to find in the first place.

He'd lost everything too but he was a lot more subtle about it. He never let anyone see past his finely sculpted façade. Making sure every single detail of his life was perfectly in place. Making it as if she'd never existed in the first place. As if she didn't matter. Because it was all he could do, all he was capable of. But no amount of ignorance could take away that dull stab that he'd feel every time he'd see her on the cover of a catalog, or (more frequently) on the cover of a tabloid.

But here's a comforting thought—once you've hit bottom, things can only go up right?

"Mimi, don't forget about the Ralph Lauren ad. It's tomorrow" Sora reminded the half conscious girl that morning.

Wrong.

-x-

**A/N**: Here's the sequel! First chapter, how was it? A little erratic right? I just had to encompass five years worth of information into that one chapter. I hope it captivated you guys enough to keep reading and also, **review**! Because I need it!

So yeah, tell me what you guys think please! I've already written chapters two and three (I'm growing **obsessed** with this story) so I won't make you guys wait too long for updates. I'm thinking…weekly? We'll see how it goes.

**Ciao!**

-Liya

**P.S**- This is going to be a P.O.V story, I feel like it's a little more descriptive that way. So starting with chapter two it's gonna go back and forth between Mimi and Matt's point of view. I just thought you guys would want to know! :]

Oh and I'm pretty sure that the chapter title is a song, Christina Beta'd for me and she picked the title so its safe to assume it probably it is. I should ask her though…


	2. Beautiful

Chapter 2: _Beautiful_

-x-

_Beauty over wisdom to fit in with their style  
__Your Cinderella story's for a price  
Vanity's a business built to fleece the unique  
Silicon and stars collide, the rest will fall in line_

-x-

I guess when you wake up feeling like your head is a step away from splitting open, expecting to remember the night before is expecting too much. All I want is to take two vicodins and forget that anything ever happened. But I'm sadly disappointed when I reach into my side drawer and find that Sora has replaced my Vicodins with a bottle of Aspirin. Joy.

"Finally awake sleeping bitchy?" Sora saunters into the room, drawing the curtains to let the sun in.

I groan, "So-ra! The sun" I stuff my face into my pillow.

Sora shakes her head, "Mi-mi it's practically noon!" I can tell she's appalled, sleeping till noon in New York City should be a crime, according to Sora.

Slowly I open my eyes, "Where are they?" I ask her tiredly.

"Where are what?" She asks innocently, but she totally knows what I want.

I narrow my eyes at her, "Sor, c'mon" I hold the Aspirin bottle in my hand expectantly.

She rolls her eyes, "Mimi you don't need that crap" She sits on my bed, "I mean don't you see that?" She has a lot more faith in me then I do, clearly.

I'm extremely hung-over so can you really blame me if I'm not in the mood for a life lesson, "Okay Sora, next time I'll take Aspirin, but seriously right now just get me my Vicodin" I paid good money for it.

She stared at me, "Fine" She sighed, "It's in the bathroom cupboard, behind the band-aids"

I give her a grateful smile, "Last time, promise" I kiss her cheek and get out of my bed.

I honestly don't know why Sora puts up with me, I mean God knows she doesn't have and God knows I've given her every reason to leave. But for some reason she doesn't. She really seems to care about me when I don't even care about myself. She loves me like a sister and I have no idea why. I'm not lovable. I think I've proven that.

"You photo shoot's in two hours" She peeks her head into the room.

My mouth falls open, "What?!" I yank her back, "I thought it was tomorrow or something!"

Sora seems slightly annoyed by inattentiveness, "Yes, go take a shower you still smell like alcohol" She scrunches her nose in emphasis.

I ignore this, "How long was I out for?" I demand.

She runs a hand through her fiery hair, "I dunno, you were out cold when I got home" She sighs.

"I guess twenty four hours" She adds.

I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being, my habits are beginning to disgust even me yet I can't bring myself to stop. After all, this is life I've chosen for myself is it now? So why shouldn't I live it? "Tai brought me home?" I breathe out, the brunette who'd been staying with us for the past week is no where to be seen this morning.

Sora closed her eyes, "He did me a big favor" She answers. So I'm a favor now? Like some petulant four year old in need of a babysitter?

I narrow my eyes at her unfairly, I'm crabbier then usual this morning, "Well thanks so much for doing that Sor, I can't believe you would go so far out of you way" I say coldly, shutting the bathroom door in her face.

I hate myself yet as I undress I can't seem to look away from my reflection. Beautiful, even to my own eyes, yet it wasn't enough. It never was enough was it? Clearly, when no one in the world seems to love me.

I did as she asked me and got into the shower, turning the water to a warmer temperature then I deserved, letting it wash over me. My entire world crumbled the day I walked out of that apartment, vowing to leave him for ever. It hurt like hell and for so long it felt like I was doing all I could just to hold myself together. Nearly falling apart more times then I could count, losing myself in ways I couldn't have imagined. Yet a part of me feels as if it's worse now.

At least then I could remember what he felt like if I wanted to, how his arms would wrap around me in comfort. The way he smelled, that scent that was just his that lingered on every thing I owned. His lips against mine. His touch. How he felt. Now it was as if no memory I had was strong enough, I couldn't seem to remember the things that once made up my dreams or nightmares, depending on how you looked at it.

Then, just as I began to force myself to think of something else, his voice floated into the bathroom. Surrounding me with the most beautiful melody I'd ever heard, his voice had always been music to my ears. Now matter how cheesy it might sound. The second the thought registers, however, I feel the inevitable pain in my chest that only memories of him seem to bring about.

_Just as beautiful as you are  
It's so pitiful what you are  
You should have seen this coming all along_

The words struck a cord immediately, I wanted to yell at Sora for playing his music when she knew how badly it still hurt me. The way my insides would cringe at just the sound of his name, the way what was left of my heart would ache when I'd see his face. But I couldn't, in my misery I managed to be masochistic, listening even as I died a little.

_Visually you're stimulating to my eyes  
Your Cinderella syndrome's full of lies  
Your insecurities are concealed by your pride  
Pretty soon your ego will kill what's left inside__It's so pitiful what you are  
__  
Just as beautiful as you are  
It's so pitiful what you are  
You should have seen this coming all along_

How foolish of me would it be to assume that this song was meant for me? As completely sadistic it is, his voice, his words piercing through me like a knife. The song held so contempt, so much anger yet the thought of him thinking about me at all, in any way, sent a small wave of joy (almost) coursing through my body. So in a way, I guess I'm as sadistic as his music.

_You're everything that's so typical  
Maybe you're alone for a reason, you're the reason_

_It's so pitiful what you are,  
You should have seen this coming all—_

Evidently, Sora chose this moment to change radio stations. I couldn't help but feel a mixture of sadness and relief flow through me. Sadness, because this was the closest I'd gotten to him in five long years and I didn't seem ready to lets go. Relief because the song was shattering what's left of me and it's taking all I have not to fall apart.

The second I'm out of the shower I feel myself getting better. The Vicodins seem to be working, my mood lifting out of the hole it had climbed in the second I heard his voice. I can feel the drugs pulsing through my veins and I welcomed them like an old friend. It's a nice feeling, no matter how detrimental it may be.

Sora stared at me, her eyes seemed apologetic. Why she should have anything to apologize for seems absurd, "What?" I ask, my tone seems a little harsh.

She stares at me, "I'm sorry, I uh left it on I didn't realize that it was—" She breaks off abruptly, his name's taboo around here. Even with my obsession of magazine clippings, we still never said it out loud.

I hold up a hand, "It's okay" I answer her, trying to fake a smile.

It didn't work, my mouth didn't want to work itself out of the frown, "Well, the car'll be here soon" She says hastily.

"What's this for again?"

"Ralph Lauren for men, it's nothing big—really you're just a prop" She ensures me. Usually I'd throw a fit because I like to be the center of attention, male models were usually my props yet today I didn't. I don't feel like working, the less I have to do the better I feel.

The smile twitches at the corners of my mouth naturally now, "Thank God" I sigh.

Sora laughs her carefree laugh and I immediately realize we're past all the ugliness that took place earlier, "So I'll just get ready" I say.

-x-

Hair and makeup is always my favorite part of any photo shoot. The way Javi delicately styles my hair inch by inch, creating the work of art he'd envisioned in his mind. The way Laura carefully powders my nose, glosses my lips, blushes my cheeks, brushes my lashes and lines my eyes. I always end up staring at myself afterwards (I always stare at myself, I have a severe case of narcissism it seems) touching my flawless face in admiration before I get ushered into wardrobe.

Which brings me to my second favorite thing about my job—the clothes, shoes, jewelry and sometimes bags. Oh it's like crack to an addict, honest. But there was none of that today, in front of me my stylist places a black bikini. Simple and completely run of the mill. What is going on? We aren't any where near the beach and in any case it's just too cold out.

I suppose my stylist (Jenny) caught my confused expression, "It's in a shower Mimi, you knew that, right?" She couldn't have caught me more off guard. I never really did bother to find out the details, figuring the didn't matter so much since I don't have to be doing all the work.

"I don't know, can you give me a brief run through Jen?" I ask.

She nods, "Well you'll see the set, it's basically a glass wall that's supposed to be the shower door and they're just going to turn on the fire sprinklers to make it…" She trails off, I get the gist. It's the same lazy set up every time.

I sigh loudly before shrugging out of the pajamas I'd come here wearing. I stopped dressing for work a long time ago, they always put me in something different any way so why discomfort myself?

They'd edit the bikini out later I suppose, to make it seem more sensual. Wonder who the breakthrough model is today, lately they've been putting young, inexperienced, fresh faced Abercrombie looking kids as my opposites. This one's probably in for the break of his life, hope he kissed his mom goodbye. Coz after this, his life's gonna change completely and totally.

I examine myself, my hair's in wet curls, to add to the effect I suppose. My make up is light and waterproof, a precaution. And I am as always, flawless. On the outside anyway, inside I'm marred, scarred, bruised, broken and battered in every way possible. But that doesn't count does it? Not here, not now. And no one would ever know.

I pull on my favorite silk robe, not bothering to fasten it and walk on to the set searching for the lead role. Amidst the chaos, I couldn't tell if he'd arrived or not. I'm not too curious though, it doesn't really matter to me. If he's extremely good looking (and over age) maybe I'd fuck him. But it never went deeper then that, I don't think I would ever let it. There isn't anything left.

"Hey Tony" I smile at my favorite director.

He seems happy to see me, "You're early" he says appreciatively.

It's a shock, I tend to pull the model-diva card a lot, showing up late, having an attitude and being difficult. But I've earned it "You're surprised" I shoot back.

He grins, "Go stand there and look sexy" He points at the sliding glass door.

I roll my hazel eyes, "I'm always sexy Tony, you know" I always get the last word.

I do as I'm told lifting my foot just slightly to step into the make shift bath tub, I really wondered how this is going to work. I mean how is this a fragrance commercial when we're in a freaking bathtub? I just can't wrap my mind around it, but if there's one thing I've learned, its this: people will buy anything as long as it looks sexy.

I stand here examining my nails silently starting to fume over the fact that this newcomer seems to think that he can get away with coming to work late. I never had the luxury to show up late until I'd been on a Victoria's Secret runway _twice_ so where does he come off making me wait?

I could here Tony's voice behind me though and he's talking to someone. So I guess the ass finally decided to show up, I have half a mind to just leave and have him to the commercial himself.

"Okay, Mimi once Matt gets there—

I didn't hear anything else, I feel my body become rigid, my heart stops for a brief second. It couldn't be the same, its such a common name, so many Matts in this industry I could hardly keep count. On top of that, he doesn't model. No, I'm just crazy, it's just the after effects of hearing the mother fucker's song on the damn radio.

But then I feel his arm around my waist, "Hey, baby girl" My breath hitches, my throat closes, my body freezes.

Oh God "This isn't happening" I can't keep the desperation out of my voice, "This can't happen" I whisper as he gently turns me to face him. I push myself away from him though/

My chest's about to cave in, my breathing's shallow, I can't look at him so clench my eyes shut. "What the fuck is wrong here?!" I hear Tony's voice boom.

I try to catch my breath, my eyes still squeezed so tightly it hurts "Tell me this isn't happening, please?" I can hear myself begging now and I just want to kick my own ass. When the hell did I become so weak?!

He touches my elbow, "It isn't happening?" He offers weakly.

I shake my head, forcing my eyes open, "Did you know about this?" I seethe, my anger taking the place of my shock.

He shakes his head, "No" He answers me.

I hear Tony telling me to get my act together and I realize he's right. I need to be professional.

"Okay" I breathe out calmly, keeping my gaze on the floor.

He puts an arm around my waist again, pulling me to his body. I constantly feel the need to remind myself that this is all business and absolutely no pleasure. He's doing because he has to, not because he wants to.

I press myself against him, it feels so nostalgic I have to force myself not to run away. He's almost naked too, in just a pair of boxers (Ralph Lauren I'm sure) and I realize how close our barely clothes bodies are to each other. Had it been any other person in the world I'd be done with the shoot by now. Faking intimacy came naturally now, yet I haven't even had the courage to look at him yet.

"Finally, we're getting somewhere!" Keep your thoughts, eyes and ears on Tony. Ignore the fact that he smells amazing, that his body is better then it had been five years ago and your so close to him you can feel his heart beat. Ignore the proximity of his mouth to yours and the proximity of his…

"Just put your lips close to his chin and for god sakes act like you want him Mimi!" He yells through cupped hands, "He's an international rock star, look at him like you wanna jump him!" If only he knew that that's exactly what I wanted to do. Shameful and completely embarrassing but I want him so bad right now I'm trying not to rip off out clothes.

I take a steadying breath, "You don't have to, I can tell him that I don't wanna do this" He murmurs.

It would be so easy, wouldn't it? To just walk away, but for some reason I shake my head from side to side, "Let's get this over with" I mutter, parting my lips and finally looking up at him.

The second my eyes meet his my heart rate shoots up. I'm sure he can feel how it's hammering out of my chest yet he holds my gaze. His stare is so intense everything else seems to fade into the background. The world could be ending right now and I wouldn't be able to look away. I move closer, my hand carefully sliding up from his abdomen to rest on his chest.

"Give me a little more Meems, we're almost there!" It's irritating how I have to be told what to do in every aspect of my life.

I'll never admit this to anyone but right now all I want is for him to wrap his arms around me and take me away from it all. To save me from everything that I don't want.

I swallow the lump in my throat and place my lips against his neck, what kind of a cruel fate is this. For all the wrong I've done, this is the worst punishment God could've inflicted on me. The pain that was surging through my body was enough to rip me apart had he not been holding me together. But I know, the second his arm unwraps itself I'll break into a million pieces again. I just don't know how I'm going to put myself together this time, when more then half the pieces are going to be missing.

"I'm sorry" Could he know how much this is killing me? Did he feel an ounce of what I'm feeling right now? A one thousandth of the ache in my heart. His words sound sincere enough but there's no way he has any idea how badly I actually need him.

I stare up at him one last time, because I heard Tony say "last time" in that voice that could meant that he's contemplating on getting a new model. This time I put all the emotion into my gaze, not because I'm afraid I'll be replaced but because I feel like owe it to him.

My arm slinks its way around his neck, my fingers reaching up to touch his soft blonde hair. His free hand seems to find its way behind my head I see his gaze flicker to my lips for just a second. In one swift motion I feel his lips against mine and in this moment I feel better then I have in years. But as soon as it came, it's over. His arms aren't around me anymore and I'm left standing cold and alone. I snap out of my daze to see him walking away.

They never did turn on those sprinklers.

-x-

I held myself just long enough to get into my dressing room. I make sure to lock the door before collapsing against it. I feel my back sliding down as I fall to my knees. I hear myself sobbing but I can't do a thing about it. The pain searing through my body is all I can think about, it's the kind of pain that would kill you if it were physical. The kind of pain that drives even the sanest people crazy.

I wrap an arm around my torso and try feebly to collect myself but it's as if I'm barely holding myself together. Because he isn't here to do it for me. Seeing him has been more excruciating than I ever could have imagined. Even in my worst nightmares where I would see myself stepping through that door over and over again, I never realized how much it would hurt if I ever felt him again.

And I'd never admit this to anyone either but I never "got over" him. Though I hardly think it's a big secret from anyone who ever knew me.

But no one seems to know me anymore, I don't even know myself. I don't know anything really. The only thing I do know is that I've never felt so whole in my life then I did when I was in his arms today. For just a minute, everything we'd been through had been cast aside, and everything I was running from seemed to disappear. He was with me in that moment and I could finally feel again.

Then he left and I don't think I've ever felt more broken.

_Just as beautiful as you are  
__So pitiful what you are  
Should have seen this coming all along  
_

_It's so pitiful what you are  
__As beautiful as you are  
Should have seen this coming all along_

-x-

**A/N: **Jesus, I am depressed just writing this. I'm sorry it's sad but I just want to convey how screwed up she is because of what she is. Fame completely ruined her and above everything else, she still needs him. I just wanted to show how much she's still in love with him and how much she wants him to love her back**. **

**Okay-** _So I want you guys to know that I have a new story coming out that I have co-written with one of my two best friends Christina (MimixIshidax) and I am completely devoted to it. I will try to update all my stories as often as I can but I'm completely committed to THIRTY ONE DAYS (the name of the story me and Chris are co-publishing) so make sure you read it once it's posted (which will be verry soon!)_

**Song: Beautiful **by Ten Years, I was listening to it and I was so inspired. Song's amazing and the video is awesome. Listen to it! And I'll have you know that Christina (MimixIshida) had no hand in helping me find this one! :P

Kay**, reviews **please**!**

**-Liya**


	3. Fix You

Chapter 3: _Fix You_

_She sees a million stars  
__Like holes in the sky  
__All of God's tears for her they cry  
__And I am in her rain, tonight_

-x-

I should've stuck to what I do best. Making music, this entire "photo shoot" crap was a big waste of time not to mention what it put her through. What it fucking put me through. It wasn't easy seeing her, even harder holding her and damn near impossible kissing her. But what killed me was how utterly broken she was the entire time. The way she had looked at me, I saw it all in her eyes. Her desperation, her discomfort, her unhappiness and in that moment I wanted to be the one to save her. Take her away and make sure that nothing bad every happened to her again.

But I was never that guy for her.

I accepted it a long time a go. All I ever did was hurt her and because of me her life is what it is now. I'll never forgive myself for it, why should she? If she hates me right now it's exactly what I deserve. After all that I put her through, she should hate me. Despise me, loathe me.

Yet, she doesn't. In that fleeting moment, she kissed back. With everything she had in her I felt her kiss back. Maybe it was for show, maybe she was doing her job but there was something else there. And for some martyred reason, she doesn't hate me.

Now, maybe I can give her some sort of closure. Something that will finally give us both the peace of mind we need to move on. One day, when we're two different people, we could even be friends. But for now, I'll settle for anything she needs. Whatever she wants, I'll give her because it's the _least_ I can do.

-x-

"Is it as bad as they say?" Lunch with a guy who used to be my best friend shouldn't be this formal, but it seems to be.

He looks up carefully, "I'm not sure if I should…" he trails off, averting his gaze.

I look at him calmly, "It's me Tai, come on. Don't you know me better than that?" I ask him.

He lets out a low sigh, "Look man, we are very different people from who we used to be, I'm sure you know that" It doesn't sound like Tai at all, "The fact that this is the first time we've spoken to each other in six months is proof enough right? So to answer the question, no I don't think I know you at all" He answers honestly.

I can hardly get mad at him for that, "Sorry, but the phone works two ways" I point out, "I didn't have any messages on my machine"

He shrugs a shoulder, "I never said I wasn't to blame, but it doesn't change the facts"

I run a hand through my hair, "Look, I just need to know. Should I be concerned?" Easy enough to answer with out giving out any personal details.

He raises his eye brows, "What makes you think that you have any right to be concerned?" He asks, I can tell he's trying to control his voice.

I'm at my wit's end, "Tai, we used to be like brothers man, how can you even ask me that?"

"Matt, you don't get to walk in and out of her life when it's convenient for you" He should be the last person talking, "She's not in a good place, you coming back could be the one thing that breaks her" He admits.

I take a deep breath, "That's why I came to you" I say through gritted teeth, "Just tell me, is it that bad?" I ask one more time.

He sighs loudly, I can see his resolve breaking, "Mimi's messed up man, she's way worse than you could imagine" He says gravely. "Seeing you sent her over the edge, I haven't seen her in two days"

I feel like the wind was just knocked out of me. Maybe for my own sake I believed that the tabloids and reporters lied about her, god knows most of the things they write about me are falsified, but Tai just confirmed my doubts.

"Where is she?" I ask, my voice sounds foreign to my own ears.

Tai hesitates, "Listen, leave her alone" He warns, "She doesn't need you now. You're too late" And with that he gets up.

"I'll let you take care of the bill" He calls over his shoulder.

Fuck. You. Tai.

-x-

_And I am here still waiting  
__Though I still have my doubts  
__I am damaged at best  
__Like you've already figured out_

My room isn't a comfort. The walls are suffocating, the ceiling isn't high enough and my bed is as inviting as a coffin of needles. There isn't a thing in this room, apartment, city, state, country, continent or world that I need. Not when what I need is unattainable. _He's_ all I ever really wanted and he's the only thing that I can't have. So, where do I go from here? What do I do?

Painkillers have all but numbed my senses but why is it that they don't do _anything_ for the pain I feel. Why is it, that for the past two days I haven't been able to get my face off the carpeted floor? And that every time I try to get up I have to do all I can to keep myself together. Never, in a million years, did I think it would hurt this bad. It's absolutely excruciating and I have never felt this broken. Not even when I walked out of that apartment all those years ago.

"Mimi, we need to talk about this c'mon!" Sora's pounding on the door again and I know I have to let her in.

She wouldn't be satisfied until she saw that I was okay. Physically anyway, "its unlocked" I manage to choke out.

I hear her let out a breath of relief, she really does care about me—for some godforsaken reason, "Mimi…I thought it was getting better" She says softly, dropping to her knees beside me.

I recoil at the touch to my bare shoulder. "Enough" Sora says firmly, I know it must be killing her to see me like this. It would me if the situation would be reversed. But somewhere along the way, I suppose I stopped caring. Everything that used to matter to me, doesn't anymore. Only him.

It's always going to be like that. Every unsaid word, every broken thought, every unshed tear would always lead back to him. My world seemingly revolves around him and I couldn't get him to need me back. And while leaving him seemed best for him, it tore me apart. I'm never going to be able to be whole again and loving someone else, is out of the question.

He's always going to be it for me.

I don't notice I'm not in my room until I feel Sora and Tai put me in a bath. I'm tempted to hold my head under water until I can't feel at all. But I'd never be able to bring myself do it. I've always been too much of a coward for suicide.

-x-

Stepping out of my room had been my first mistake. Searching for the voices that I was hearing, my second. And the third? Following them into the living room, where I couldn't believe my eyes.

My face is paler than usual, I'm sure, because I feel all the blood rush to my head as a gasp escapes my lips. The three people in the room turn to face me, two of them, searching my face for a hint as to how I'd react. I'm not giving anything away.

They awkwardly excuse themselves in an obvious fashion before exiting the house completely. Sora even forgets to exchange her slippers for some form of better shoes.

He has a lazy, (yet, relieved?) smirk on his face. "You haven't died" He notices.

He looks exactly as he always had, as he always did. And his demeanor was exactly the same. Cold, indifferent, passive. I want to scream and yell at him, hit and kick him, cause him as much pain as I possibly can. But I could never bring myself to do it, because no matter how badly I could be hurting, I could never inflict it upon him.

"Still breathing" I mimic his impassive tone.

We might as well have been talking about the weather.

He nods, "Good to know"

"Yeah? Why is that?"

Another shrug, "Word has it, I'm the root cause of your emotional woes" He always did have the innate ability to say exactly what he thought.

I want to scoff and tell him to go jump off a cliff somewhere. But I can't bring myself to lie to him. "You haven't been the root cause of anything for five years, Yamato" I convene to using his full name.

He seems surprised, but does a marvelous job of hiding it. If I didn't know him as well as I still do, I wouldn't have caught it. "You were unhappy then?" He inquires, but God, I know he knows the answer.

"Yes, you weren't good to me" We've exhausted this subject to its limits.

He nods, "Always the bad guy, hm?"

I shrug, "You never tried, you didn't care" I'm not accusing him, its cold hard facts.

"Not this again"

"It's true, if you had, we wouldn't be where we are now" It's not all his fault but I'm not going to admit to any of it being mine, not today anyway. "You never did listen to me"

He shakes his head, "I didn't come here to fight with you" He confesses.

"Then why? Why did you come?" I'm trying much too hard to control my voice.

I'd forgotten what being with him was like in the five years that I wasn't. Yet, two minutes in the same room and we seem to slip back into our old ways. The arguments, his sarcastic tone, my complaints.

But things were completely different now, and I wanted answers. "You didn't seem too good, I wanted to make sure you were okay" He admits.

"Well, mission accomplished I'm perfectly fine" The most horrendous lie if I've ever told one. I'm sure he sees right though it.

He isn't convinced, I don't expect him to be. "You're a terrible liar" He mumbles. "Always had been" That's why I try not to, well I try not to lie to him anyway.

"Whatever, does it ever matter?" I need to know why he's sitting in my living room.

He gets up abruptly. "It does. It matters to me" he strides closer to me.

I draw in an unsteady breath as he's only an inch away from me. "Liar" I manage to get out.

He grins. "Never" I want to smack the grin off his face.

"You never cared about me" I wish we didn't have to keep going back to the past, but it seems inevitable.

Matt shakes his head, "Not true. I always loved you" He contradicts me.

"Not as much as I loved you" I always invested more in our relationship than he ever did. I made the sacrifices and he reaped all the benefits. I stayed up nights, crying over him, he stayed out nights, forgetting about me. I always thought of him, even when I knew he wasn't thinking of me. And I could never let go of him, even when he'd let go of me.

He brushes a cool finger across my cheek. "_More_, believe that" But I can't.

I work hard to keep the tears back now. I didn't want to cry in front of him, he'd probably make fun of me. "You don't have to stay here, you can go now" I want the exact opposite but what's the point in prolonging the inevitable. He'd have to let me get back my misery some time and I'd rather it was sooner rather than later. Because even now, I can't seem to enjoy being with him, all I can think of is how lonely I'll be when he's gone.

He heaves a sigh, "I came to make sure you were okay. You're not" He doesn't let me disagree. "I want to make you okay"

"Oh and you have that power?"

"I do"

"How will you do it? A spell, maybe a magic wand? Are you gonna be in costume?"

"No wand, no spells, no costume. Maybe a cape though" I never did find his sarcasm funny.

I find myself laughing anyway. "Enlighten me then, will you?" I'm humoring him because it's all I can do.

"If I tell you, you'll run"

"This is my apartment"

"You'll tell me to leave"

"I've done that twice, yet here you stand"

"You won't talk to me"

"Now you know that never works out"

"You'll—" He breaks off, he's run out of reasons not to tell me.

I actually smile, triumphantly. He could always bring out this side of me. "I win, so out with it"

He tucks a strand of damp hair behind my ear. "You'll just have to wait and see" He says.

I shake my head. "Yamato Ishida, you know I hate surprises!" This feels too nostalgic to bear. I'd yelled the same thing to him every birthday since my sixteenth till my twenty second, he always failed to listen.

He chuckles. "Right, right" He doesn't care. "Too bad" He'd get his way in the end, because that's how it usually works.

"I can't believe we can do this" I marvel at my ability to stand in front of him and have a conversation, after what seems like an eternity of no contact.

He doesn't seem as amazed. "We were together for seven years—

"On and off" I add.

"On and off" He nods. "But regardless, I think it's easy to slip back into old habits"

So easy, that I'd forgotten almost completely about the pain I had just been through because of him. How much this would kill me when it was all over. And what Id be getting out of it when it dismembered. Probably nothing, because I always did get the shorter end of the stick.

I can't ignore though, how much happier I am when I'm around him. He's the only person that can do it.

"When are you leaving?" It's back to reality.

"When I'm sure that you're okay" His answer stuns the _hell_ out of me.

I take a cautious step back, "What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice dangerously close to sounding frantic.

"Just what I said, I want the satisfaction of knowing you're going to be fine before I do anything else" He says simply.

I'm more confused by his answer, "Why? How? You, you can't" I feel like I'm in one of my dreams, where he comes back to take me with him, it's always unbearable when I wake up.

"Why? Because I owe it to you and how, well I just can" He doesn't know how to answer her last question.

I stare at him, "You're touring or something, right? You live in LA, you—" I feel dizzy, this is way too much to take in.

"I'm telling you, I'm going to be here as long as you need me here"

"I don't believe you"

"You have no reason to doubt my word"

"You forget I do"

"And why is it?"

"You've broken tons of promises, why should this be any different?"

"This is more important"

"Really? How?"

"It concerns you"

"And the others didn't?"

"More so now, then before"

"That doesn't make sense" I point out.

"It does" He disagrees.

"Nope" I'm not conceding this one.

He shrugs, "You just don't get it.

I roll my eyes, "Right. It's so complicated" I say sarcastically.

"It always is, sweetheart"

"Awe, fake endearments already?"

"Nope. Never fake" He smiles.

Enough's enough, I don't need to talk about this anymore. "You're not sticking around, just admit it" I'm giving him a chance to ground my hopes.

He runs a hand through his hair, probably in frustration. "Believe me, I am" He says, "For you though, of course" He adds quickly.

I nod curtly, "Of course" I imitate, "I am so in need of your services"

"Well, that you are" He says flippantly, "But I don't mind"

"You're absolutely infuriating" I can't get my voice to sound angry.

He laughs. "Because I want to "save" you?" He grins. "Isn't that what you asked, so many years ago?" He's mocking me.

"I watched a lot of One Tree Hill then, the notion of Lucas saving Brooke seemed so romantic" I defend. "But he never did "save" her" It's not really meant to be a jab at him, but he takes it as one anyway.

"Better late than never?" he offers.

I can't do anything but take it. "I won't get too excited, you have a way of falling through when I need you most" I say it blandly.

He seems hurt for a moment but then regains his composure. "You're going to learn to laugh again Mimi, I'm going to fix you" It sounds like a promise but I make sure not to take it as one.

"Right"

"Just you wait"

"Oh so patiently, don't worry" I say with a sigh.

He smiles once more, "You haven't changed, but you have" I don't think there's ever been a sentence uttered that has made less sense than that one.

"Because that's possible"

"With you, anything's possible"

I give a dry laugh, "Trademark that and put it on a shirt, it's so motivating"

He can't be around me this long, I can see the peaks of frustration in his cobalt eyes. "Still incorrigible" he mentions.

"The utmost meaning of the word" I agree.

"So damn stubborn"

"Again, true"

"Arrogant?"

"No that's more you"

He doesn't deny it. "Narcissistic" He finally finds the right word.

"Perhaps, but it never seemed to bother you"

It never really did, "And absolutely beautiful"

"Ah, the silver lining"

His mouth twitches upward momentarily, "Your mouth seems to work fine" he notes.

"Never broke" The conversation seems ridiculous, but if it keeps him here longer, I'll keep it going.

He seems pleased, "Good to know"

"To more properly assess the damage, right?" I inquire.

"Exactly"

I'm not delusional nor am I naïve, I know he's here out of pity. But I also know that I haven't felt so good (with out the use of prescription drugs and/or alcohol) in a very long time. If thinking that he can somehow make me better with time will keep him staying longer, I'll play the damsel.

Of course when he leaves. I'm going to be a mess. "You're serious?"

"Am ever anything but?"

His answer doesn't please me, "I don't know how I feel about this"

"Sure you do"

"Oh do I?" I wonder what he could possibly know that I don't.

"You're elated, overjoyed, completely over the over the moon" I burst out laughing at him.

He grins, "Mission accomplished"

"That's it? You're done?" Fear strikes into my heart, I had just started to believe he'd be around a while.

He chuckles. "For today, pretty girl" Damn me and my susceptibility to One Tree Hill references.

Damn him for remembering. "Well, there's the door" I gesture towards the white exit Sora and Tai had all but flown through.

"You're so hospitable"

"What? You want me to ask you to tea?"

"No, you'd burn down the house"

"Would not"

"So you're inviting me then?"

"No"

"I stand by my previous statement" He walks towards the door.

I don't feel the strange tightening in my chest this time because I know there's hope that I'll see him again. And soon. "Bye Matt"

He glances back at me, one hand on the door knob, "I'll see you soon, Mimi" Another heartbreaking smile and he's gone.

-x-

I left her house more than pleased with myself. Tai and Sora were angry with me for coming and I'm sure they have every right to be, from what they let slip she's been a mess, but if I'm what she needs right now…well I'll give her all of me.

She seemed less broken when we were together and maybe I don't deserve to take credit for it, but it seems like she's better when she's around me. It could've easily been a façade, to hide her pain or whatever from me, after all Mimi always did put on a great show. But it didn't seem like she was trying too hard. She was just being herself. Or rather the girl I knew before fame _ruined _her.

"Hello?" The lazy voice of my drummer answers.

"Yo" My greeting is short.

"Matt, wuttup dude?" He's blazed, I can hear it in his voice.

But when you're a rock star, what else is there but girls and drugs? "I'm gonna be a New York for a while" He wouldn't care.

"All right, you need me for somethin'?" He asks, I can hear a girl's voice in the background.

"No, just let the rest of 'em know" I request.

He probably won't remember, but my job's done. "Sure thing, how long you spending there. Our tour starts in three weeks" He reminds me.

"I'll be back before three weeks" I assure him, I wouldn't let her get too attached to me. Not this time.

He seems satisfied, "Whatever, just be here before the plane leaves" Sam has always been the most laid back of our entire band.

His brother Ken, on the other hand, well I wouldn't call him to let him know all this. He probably wouldn't take it very well. At all. "Thanks man"

"No problem, but I got a really hot chick—

I don't need him to continue, "Do what you have to" I hang up the phone.

She's the girl that I would drop everything for. It's always been that way, I think. I just didn't get to show her when she needed me to the most. They all tell me it isn't all my fault but I can't help but feel like it is. She never wanted to do this modeling thing, she never wanted fame or anything that came with it. She just wanted to design clothes and be with me.

Then I fucked up, big surprise, and she's in over her head. Barely breathing, hardly speaking and completely withdrawn. From what Sora had mentioned, she doesn't talk to anyone anymore. She doesn't do anything she used to love doing. But when we had been together this afternoon, she didn't seem closed off. She was bickering with me as usual and nothing seemed out of place.

If it's me that can help her back on her feet, than I'm going to do it. I'm finally going to be who she needs me to be and hopefully after everything is said and done, she'll be able to stand alone. Because us being together, is completely out of the question. I can't hurt her again. I won't do it.

Not that she'd ever take me back anyway. Too much time has passed, too much space between us, too many broken promises and way more pain than I can take away. She'll find someone who can make her happy in every way I couldn't, I just have to _fix_ her before she can. And in that, maybe I'll get the closure that I need to. She'll heal me too.

_I wish I could heal you  
__And mend where you are broken  
__Wish I could heal you  
__And you could heal me_

-x-

A/N: I was** lighter** on the **angst** in this chapter, I couldn't depress you guys anymore. Or myself for that matter.

**Inspiration** for this came from the song **Fix You** by **_The Offspring _**and **Broken **by **_Lifehouse_**

Hope you liked it, I'll try to update sooner.

-Liya

P.S- **Polar Opposites** is updated! And read _Thirty One Days_!


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